Well to be fair, I didn't say that abuse is fully defined by the abuse. Just that the abused have a fair amount of say. This is very different. Couple that with the statement of things that can be easily and objectively defined as abusive and we have a group of people who can easily be put in to an objectively defined bucket of abuse. This is the group that can further share their experiences which lets anyone who's willing to listen hard enough, to qualitatively identify/define how abuse is happening. Or at least attempt to.