Umm, YYMV. I am typing this on an MBR. I primarily use it for programming (mainly C++ and Lisp development in Emacs, but I have written two in-house iOS apps with Xcode). It has MS Office on it, though I must admit I mainly use that for docs other people have sent me, though I do use powerpoint. I am not a gamer.

The external adaptor doesn't really support the promised UHD output (it's flakey and unusable at those resolutions so I think your term "garbage" could apply to it) though it does support 1080p. In practice I mostly use it without an external display. The machine is so portable I don't think I could ever go back to a larger machine -- even my kid's MBA seems brobdignagian next to the MBR.

Xcode definitely felt a bit cramped on the small screen, but I'm not a fan of graphical IDEs (or IDEs in general) so that was the least of my concerns. I did most of the code development in Emacs anyway.

I found that in practice I almost never used ports on my MBP. I don't sync my phone to my computer any more; I used the built in MBP SD card reader but discovered I can read from my waterproof camera over wifi so don't miss that. I have a USB A port in my video adaptor but have yet to plug anything into it. I have never been much of a user of removable media.

I use my phone for presentations. I would use the computer but the "garbage" video adaptor is too flakey. Actually the phone is fine.

Oh, and I just checked with my GF who described my buttocks as "tight and cute". So I can confidently say that I do not fit the profile of a Kardashian.

(The Apple product that makes the least sense to me is the iPad...but that's a different discussion).