I can't read the author's mind and can't speak for him but I don't think each word (especially the word "all") is meant to be parsed literally.

Here's another website called "Destroy All Software" using a similar phrase: https://www.destroyallsoftware.com/blog

Gary Bernhardt obviously doesn't advocate removing all software from the face of the Earth. Also notice that it includes blog titles with more bombastic titles:

  "One Base Class to Rule Them All"
  "Burn Your Controllers"

Those are probably not meant to be interpreted literally. There really is no single universal class that can be used for all cases in every circumstance. Instead of parsing it literally, it may be a riff on LOTR "the one ring to rule them all."

Likewise, don't eliminate your controllers because he said it's universal advice. Maybe the title is a riff on Cortez "burn your ships" or some other cultural meme like women's liberation of "burn your bra."

It's true. Personally, I took that to be a bit tongue in cheek. I would compare it to "GOTO Considered Harmful"-- where the author wants you to imagine a world without such a technique in order to expand your abilities. (Even though there are probably edge cases where such usage is justifiable.)

The stance is rather different though - "GOTO Considered Harmful" as a phrase is both inviting a discussion and making a limited statement. "Destroy all ifs" is definitive; the argument is over at the end of the phrase and there will be no negotiation or concessions. I know that this is trivial in this case, but I think it would help discourse in the world generally if we could move away from this kind of position taking and offer our opinions more gently.

As a community we should reward more nuanced and open statements.

Absolutely.

Simply replacing "ifs" with anything else.

I think it's clear how this is simply juvenile hyperbolic invective.

"Ifs considered suboptimal" carries the spirit of Dijkstra and the general argument of the anti if folks.

That would work