It never felt like these were hidden gems: we just went to Chinatown in NYC, for example. If you're particularly worried about authenticity, you can peek at the clientele and see what percent is Asian.
Is your wife Chinese American by any chance? Anecdotally I've found that Chinese Americans (and all other first gen Americans, e.g. Mexican Americans) are considerably pickier about their heritage food than immigrants. I'm a first gen myself, and saw it in my first gen friends growing up too -- it's a way to feel more attached to your cultural identity, one that you already feel a bit like an outsider in.
Neither of us is American but we've eaten Chinese food in China, Hong Kong, Malaysia and the UK, among other places.
I've grown to hate Americanized Chinese food. The best thing to wake your average eater up to this disparity is proper dim sum in my opinion.
If I go to a Japanese restaurant I can expect them to have udon or sushi and I know I can find those things at actual restaurants in Japan and Japanese people may criticize aspects of it, but will recognize the udon and sushi as a Japanese dish.
The few "authentic" Chinese places I've known to exist quickly shut down, often due to a lack of patrons. As you said - I don't think it is appealing or palatable for most Americans.