Because getting out to have drinks with friends becomes so rare. In that moment, you are fulfilling one of their social needs that has been so neglected it seems like the only thing that matters. What they're really saying is that by not having children you'll be able to continue as you are right then. Take it as a thank you from them for having that drink.

Maybe they're actually saying not to have children. I don't understand all the projection.

Thanks, I like your response. I thought I was just offering an alternative interpretation for why they said it, but maybe I need to get out more with friends ;-) OTOH I do not regret having children, nor do I advocate that people avoid having them.

Note to self, consider weather speculation is actually projection.

Part of the question is, "Over what time horizon?" (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12050597). Many people with very young kids say it's the pits, but ones with older ones seem to do much better. And many people over age 45 or so who don't have kids seem to wish that they'd had kids.

I'm guessing that there's also a strong "grass is greener" element. In discussions about what to do in high school or college, half the responses always say "Study harder!" and half say "Party more!", with both sides seemingly recommending the thing they didn't do.

I get fulfillment for my job some of the time - though its not the be all and end all in my life and it pissed me off sometimes too. I get a lot more from whitewater kayaking and mountain biking and generally being outdoors in my spare time. Some of my friends have had kids, and most have given up or seriously cut down on the amount that they devote to the sports they loved.

Did you have something that gave you a lot of fulfillment before you had kids?

Yes, and I still do. I am a soft dev, so job is quite fulfilling, I also like mountain hiking, friends, etc. But having a kid is something different, it is just not comparable regarding the level of satisfaction. For me the relationship with my kid is the most fulfilling thing a world can offer. (But of course I wouldnt believe that before I had one)

No.

> Did you have something that gave you a lot of fulfillment before you had kids?

Many things, and I still do.

But it's certainly a trade off, trying to live out media images of motherhood/fatherhood need to be avoided, and kids don't have to be the most fulfilling thing in anyone's life.

It does, but to me it says a lot more about how hedonistic and consumer focused the middle+ classes of western society are than of some sort of inherent negative associated with having children.