Welp. The code would add the user himself as his own coworker in both versions.

I'm a Java programmer by day, but i have definitely learned a lot by writing some "functional" (i.e. in a "functional" language) code as well. But this is just concepts. You can also take those concepts and write clean (and not too bloated) OO code. I really don't get what all this exaggerated "functional programming" vs. "bad object-oriented enterprise code" ranting is good for