That said, I've met a few developers where it's just their job. They aren't passionate about code they way I am- their passions lie elsewhere, and that's fine.

Being passionate about software development can help you be a better developer- but it's not a prerequisite by any means.

Definitely...actually I found after college that I didn't really like programming and didn't feel very good at it, at least not compared to my classmates who hacked all the time in school. But when I started programming for myself, and various side projects, it made me a much better and happier programmer. I'm happy to have become better, because it's helped me expand the scope of things that I want to accomplish...but time is ultimately a limited resource, so I'm mindful of what I've sacrificed by spending late nights tinkering with code.

I often feel like I'm surrounded by programmers who just come to work every day, write as much good enough code that they can, and then go home. They seem really happy. I want to be like them. But my care gets in the way. My desire to question why we do things the way we do only to be told "that's just how it is" is difficult to hear and only frustrates me further. The happy people around me don't seem to ask questions, they just do.

It sounds like you're conflating caring about the quality of ones work with having a poor work-life balance.

Also, I think that pursuing happiness in and of itself is quite boring and demonstrates a lack of agency that we have as human beings... We need more than just the feeling of constant pleasure in order to have a fulfilling life. One very basic example: if you were happy all the time, how would you actually know? Being aware of the contrast between various emotional and psychological states provides a lot more fulfillment versus always residing in a single mode of existence.

It's funny but when I was younger I wanted to be a writer. I joke that I am a writer, it's just that I write code rather than prose.

I have this long-standing argument with a friend, who's also a programmer, because I say the exact same thing you say, that for me writing code is like writing prose. I even edit my code in the same way I used to edit my writing, way back when.

Btw, I don't think that the fact I like to code makes me better at it. Frx, I like music, but I would suck at it and I know lots of people who are in the same position; except that many don't seem to understand it.

I've also seen people do completely stupid things with their code exactly because they like to code. They want to show off their shiny techniques and overengineer something to death, for no good reason.

Actually, I've done that myself now I think about it. Many times. We'll see if I learned not to do it again.