Therefore I'll keep it short.

I'm cyclothymic (like mild bipolar), anxious far more often than not, and creating is the only thing which does anything for me, and even then, it doesn't do much.

I have the fortune of knowing a fair bit about my neurochemistry, having sequenced my genome and spent more time than is healthy in SNPedia, and my dopamine and serotonin systems are all kinds of screwed - low output, low uptake. My oxycontin system is amped up to the point that I should be schizophrenic. Perhaps I am.

Either way, the upshot is that I'm always empty. Always worthless. Always feeling like I haven't achieved a damned thing - and this drives me to be better, to create, to make, be that code, music, art, making random crap out of junk, or reading something, learning, aiming to have more knowledge that I can do things with.

Finally, from an objective standpoint, I have an IQ that caused my school to make me re-sit the IQ test with two people watching me, and still believe I had somehow cheated, and am diagnosed with cyclothymia. I choose to be unmedicated, as I'd far rather be sad and mad and have a drive to create and do, than be a happy docile blob.