I'm wary of naming the dependency, because it's a vendor's solution and I'm not trying to call them out, but it's their ecosystem of tools and it has to run as the host OS, not virtualized. But all your comments are spot-on, and I appreciate it.

The Upstart thing is just somewhat odd, because it's a Canonical project, and Ubuntu is also Canonical's. At any rate, you're right that it's not immediately lost. But trying to pin against even the long-term releases of Ubuntu seems hopeless. I've been working on upgrading a 12.04 deployment to 14.04. There aren't any features that we're missing in the OS, so it's really only a concern from a security or support perspective. The shop I'm in was already using Ubuntu when I came on, but maybe the lesson here is to migrate to Debian, rather than bother upgrading to the newer Ubuntu release. (Migrating to CentOS would be somewhat more work.)