throwaway988

With respect to the button in the nitrogen chamber, I doubt anyone experiences regret for pushing in their last few moments. That seems like more of a literary device. I think "relief" would be the common emotion in practice.

For myself, I'm no longer suicidal, but I don't want to be reincarnated, I don't want to go to heaven (and obviously not hell), and I simply don't want to wake up anywhere at all after I die. An endless, dreamless sleep is what I hope for.

I cannot imagine how awful immortality would be in practice. Death, in due time, is a blessing.

It's not reasonable to expect police officers to excel at everything. Maybe this is better.

That said, I recently had the opportunity to watch (at length) a team of officers deal with someone experiencing a severe crisis. I can hardly believe the level of professionalism and kindness they exhibited. I'm anon, so I'll admit it--I cried and cried after watching that.

If you think you should call 988 for yourself, you probably should. Consider the results of a false positive versus a false negative. I think the people on those lines are happy enough to deal with 100 of the former to prevent one of the latter.

More subjectively, if you find yourself at a moment where you simply cannot think of any reason not to kill yourself, and especially if you have a fairly concrete plan, well, what do you have to lose? You can always apologize later.

Regarding 911, I called once, the real deal. I was appalled and experiencing a fair amount of shame, but realized that all social conventions had fallen away. I had found myself in a pit of agony with no way out, and there was nothing I would not have done to get out. I'm not saying you should wait until that point--many life-threatening situations do not involve agony--but if you're there, you definitely should make the call.

In another case, I called 911 for a child. I thought there was a five percent chance that she would experience an outcome that would terrorize her and maybe destroy her life. Close enough.

Look, if your two options are get drunk or kill yourself right now, in my opinion, do the former. This worked out for me--YMMV.

Also, put your engineer hat on. You _absolutely_ do not want to kill yourself with a firearm. Yeah, it usually works. But if it doesn't, you will learn what true misery is.

You can't save someone if you're drowning yourself. I wasn't really thinking of partners here. I guess I was blessed in that my partners at the worst moments didn't really care that much about me. Getting a partner that has my back was part of getting better. Or put another way, even on the worst days I just couldn't do it now, because I know she'd be destroyed.

Anyway, I think friends and even just acquaintances can do more, even if that seems counterintuitive.

For those who might ever contemplate this, maybe you'd like to hear a bit from me. I've been both depressed life-long and have probably spent more time in such contemplation than virtually anyone else here. (I'm pretty happy now, so no need to worry.)

One of the worst things about this is the feeling that you can't talk to anyone about it, as the moment you do, you start having to take care of _them_ emotionally, at a time when you just can't. If you can afford it, a good therapist is an option--you pay them so you don't have to take care of them. How to find one? I don't know. Try several.

Here's some first aid. First, no one gets out of life alive. Usually, there's no need to hurry your demise, as you'll be dead soon enough. And as many have observed, subjective time accelerates. If you're 35, your life is more than half done anyway.

Second, before you take steps, try to remember a few things you always wanted to do. Do them first. I've always been partial to waterfalls. Mountains are great. Music festivals can be pretty cool. Go eat your favorite foods a few more times.

Third, if everything seems bleak, get wasted. Probably things will seem less urgent in the morning.

Longer term, try to find something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. That's the trifecta, but even one goes a long way. Worked for me.

Will your problems pass? Probably, but maybe not. The pain, though, will lessen.

What if you're dealing with someone else suicidal? Just listen and keep listening, without making yourself an emotional burden. If you can, do what a friend would do. There might come a moment, appropriate to the relationship, where you can let the person know that you'd be devastated if they killed themselves. (I think it's okay to exaggerate a bit on this point.)

Godspeed.

(I don't comment on HN, and likely HN prefers it that way. But this seems like an unusually important topic.)