thrashtitan
the history of mudge and l0pht are more interesting than they are useful. if you want to get 202X security chops though, digging up the past isnt really the way. its more of a thing to do a deep dive into because youre interested, not because you expect anything out of it.
there are other researchers like gruqg who chronicle the exploits of old teams like l0pht and ACIDBITCHEZ under the guise of teaching the new wave about LOL hacking (living off the land), but i personally think they are doing it more for the reasons one writes a history book; cause its interesting.
if you want to learn LOL, read mandiant APT markers. thats how modern hacking is done, its really not at all like it used to be. i myself am happy to offer the following ocunterpoint though; the number one ranked hackerone bugbounty is dawgyg, an ex blackhat whose come in and dominated the bb scene in a huge way. i counter my counter point with the thousands of guys who make a solid living doing bug bounty who do not posess the old skills. they arent a requirement to make it in modern sec, because things are just different.
they were a bunch of badass cowboys who became the first to "make it". big boy jobs, wide spread respect in the community, inspiring a generation like egypt etc who went on to do metasploit work.
i am keen as a BEAN for grugqs book to come out, because to me, its fascinating, interesting and inspiring. mudge has been my personal hero since i found out about him when i was in highschool, but that was long after their reign was done and they were corporate.
i think the following anology works well too; lopht are comparable to van halen; when they both burst onto their scenes, almost noone else was doing what they did, and noone else before had gotten as big.
but time marches on, and other people do something new, and suddenly evh isnt as flashy as the new crop.
It was the most exciting job I have ever had. I did work with real world impacts. People literally lived and died based on the things we accomplished in there.
Returning to the 'real world' outside of that realm, and I have never been as excited about work as I was then. Sure, I have gotten help and my mental state isnt in crisis anymore. But its not quite the same being on the 'outside' as it is when youre in the middle of above top secret projects that stretch every part of your capabilities.
It is through the help I received I know I can never return to that world; it was what literally caused the issues I was having. I do regret quitting my dream job quite a lot.
The disclaimer is woven neatly in the opening paragraph, above the delightful picture of Lenny and his large scarf.
Your post has a sad undertone, one that it feels like you are trying to apply to OP in order to justify not achieving the heights others have. Some people are insanely good at things. Most people are barely good at anything. Don't think of OP as a bastion of despair, reframe the project as an achievement and I believe you will feel better.