taparisbat3

wow, thanks :)

Both.

Can you elaborate on your changes?

See a therapist if you can.

I have opened myself to almost everyone near me.

No one can help but me.

The shame and guilt is deep inside me. It's me who's lost now. They try to be there but still...

I talked to them about this, they were like : "well how will you earn money?"

I feel like it has never been about me, but about my achievements. This has fucked up my sense of self.

I'm not even sure.. at the moment I'm lost. :)

I've lived abandonment, verbal and physical svuse, bullying and a war :)

It's difficult to sleep well when depressed.

Lately I wake up in panic, with only 3hours of bad sleep

I have suicidal ideations, shame and start isolating myself.. This is hard because I wait for people to come toward me but these people don't care so you just end up feeling alone and depressed.

I hope to figure this out in my life.

What do you mean by physically sick? Can you interact with people normally?

Me me world is difficult for me too but also because I find it difficult to handle stuff just by myself

I don't believe in the mission of my work. I actually feel guilty. The mentality around me feels just plain wrong.

And collecting with collègues, I think I'm just like you. Superficial chit-chat is difficult for me and I prefer when people get personal or just plain real on the discussion. Something I cannot find where I am because people are just superficial most of the time (well that's my point of view while being depressed).

I've only worked for a bank and this trading firm but I have always felt the pressure I put myself and the comparison to others. I can't be laid-back and take it easy.. It's unnatural and fake it til you make it is hard for me.

There's always the possibility to find work on upwork etc to do freelance stuff.

'one-off tech'? Yes your experience is awesome.

I ordered some actually :) will try and tell you

I don't enjoy it no. But I get to get bored easily with every job I have.

Comparing myself with these super gangsta people around me makes me feel small and weak. The qualities I have seem irrelevant there (empathy, sensibility, helping others, etc)

Thanks mc big g. <3

Thanks. I will do this!

I really feel the lack of empathy. But I need this more than those around me :/ which makes me feel special

I think job is good as what my parents would consider a good job.. :(

Thanks <3

How do you deal? How old are you?

Same. Dark thoughts about me. Comparing myself etc. Especially if I work alone in the big project. Something about being stuck that recalls my childhood trauma.. (not sure if true or me making the link because of depressed. The trauma is true just I'm not sure the link is real)

I'm already seeing a therapist and she believes I've lived a weird childhood

Not in NY. I'll take a look at your site. Thank you

I've already felt like this in almost all my jobs. Something about working alone and feeling abandoned in face of responsabilites and stress

Thank you. Do you work remotely?

Thanks for your comment. Lots of insight

I perceive everything like I'm being thrown away from the group. Often feel out of it. Especially when I'm tired and I don't like the job.

Good you got to job easier to go to that will make you happier.

I also suffer from ptsd from childhood. I feel alone and abandoned very often.