rodent_rodeo

I’ve had similar feelings. Sometimes an environment can truly be toxic but often, IMO, these urges come from a place of fleeing from yourself and disguise themselves in different appearances/urges.

This quote put it into perspective for me, even though I’ve only seen one or two episodes:

"A darkness carried in the heart can not be cured by moving the body from one place to another." —Season 3 Episode 6 - Dust to Dust, Babylon V

I spent a few years deeply contemplating suicide and made some pretty serious attempts. Ultimately, I reflected on the meaning and purpose of life, had an epiphany, found God, lost God, found God again and settled in with a family for the long haul.

Some people keep running from place to place all their lives, the ones I’ve met don’t seem to have ever accepted a reason for settling in and are just as restless at 70 as at 21.

Good luck, hope you find your peace. Peer support groups can help. Would also recommend Victor Frankenstein Man’s Search for Meaning and Fulton Sheens talks (last one is religious but he was one of the first TV superstars, highly educated, extremely eloquent, and palatable for mainstream of the time. He has good reflections on what is life, why are we here, etc and available on YouTube).

Sorry if my advice is too generic but my heart goes out to you. I really believe now that we all have a place in this world and that our “hearts are restless until they rest in God” - St. Augustine. Now maybe you find a different God than I did but I firmly believe the search is ingrained into our DNA and your restlessness is a prompt for deep reflection. Read up, make some sacrifices (give things up, eg stoicism for the pagans here), get some peer support, accept that somethings are going to suck, find peace.

It gets better though. I know that’s another platitude and I’ll spare you anymore.

If you watch the video, at the end they show a road runner. I was bracing myself for the poor little guy to get blasted to atoms. Spoiler: road runner survived.

I work in the opposite field of weapons but from the moment I saw zipline I thought their quick launching and distance was interesting. Maybe this is already how drones are launched in places like Ukraine, I don't know. I do understand that the road runner is probably much faster and able to intercept jets. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEbRVNxL44c

I'm not really looking forward to drone warfare, tbh.

No joy in this article, zero mention of state of tomato when it was found.

Also, they blamed a guy for a while for having eaten the tomato, his name is now cleared. I was blaming him too thinking that ISS food was dehydrated or space paste. However, looks like they get some decent stuff like taco kits and pizzas at least time to time: https://www.nasa.gov/history/space-station-20th-food-on-iss/

In the article: The collectors involved are ex-employees and so are terrified. The rule was that you didn’t take anything, even if it had been thrown out. But if you loved film and knew it would be important one day, what did you do? So what we need now is an amnesty,” he said.

Are you referencing like pure nicotine liquids? Yeah vape juices that smell like jelly donuts, if a toddler/animal drinks a month supply in a few minutes it’s going to be bad news. Also, when people were mixing their own juices they’d be buying pure nicotine and getting poisoned.

“The dose makes the poison.”

Anyways, not going to list out all the pros and cons of nicotine as Andrew Huberman did that for us. He has a decent podcast that’s goes through it all.

No one really argues that it’s essential or beneficial in every way but it’s not the purported demon that the anti smoker lobby has made it out to be.

Many years ago, I heard the Japanese even put it into their drinks. I’ve tried searching for it now and found some iffy sources and outdated Reddit links and everything else is just e juice vape spam. Can any Japanese knowledgeable people confirm or deny this?

I bought some books of maps of the entire continent I’m on and put them in our cars. Seems like a reasonable emergency thing to do. I’m under no illusion that if some catastrophe happens that takes down the internet and or GPS that we will necessarily survive but would hate to die knowing I could have spent an extra $20-40 bucks and lived.

As a young, naive, trainee I met a guy once in a hospital who had smoked ONCE, turns out he had a rare condition that would cause severe vasoconstriction (his blood vessels tightened up, think why things like coffee, amphetamines, nicotine makes your hands cold). His capillary blood vessels however did not relax, developed clots, and he ended up losing his limbs. He dedicated his life to giving HS anti smoking talks.

I of course heard him and then after my shift had energy drinks, adderall, and a half pack of smokes. I don’t know that scare tactics work (at least for me) I need to experience getting my hand burned. I think many are like me. It’s not ideal. What I have found to work is motivating people, help them uncover their desire to live but it’s much more work and takes time. Time that most people won’t find anyone to have in our medical system.

What really did it for me was watching people in the hospital that can’t breathe and then struggling to go up stairs or swim. Oh man, they are struggling. Just at rest gasping for air while hooked up to supplemental O2. It’s wicked sad.

Beurger Disease https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430858/

Counter point: I don’t eat raw uncooked mice nor lick my excrement shoot. Then again maybe it’s because I have unrefined country barn cats who are lacking culture.