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There's Airmech, an alpha version is available for play on Google Chrome. I think the developers intend to make it into a free2play game, like Leagues of Legend.

ATS (ats-lang.org)

1. Can embed and call C code with no overhead, uses C representation internally

2. Embedded C can use CPP, otherwise the language has macros

3. GC is optional

4. No "system" thread

5. Optional standard library

6. Static typing, linear types, types as propositions, programs as proof.

7. ML-style exceptions, not insane

8. Examples from K&R C translated into ATS http://www.ats-lang.org/EXAMPLE/KernighanRitchie/

At least Mandarin grammar is relatively simple, and it has only 4-5 tones compared to Cantonese or Minnanese. But don't get me started on the multitude of Chinese dialects.

The point about classical Chinese isn't fair, the language itself has evolved little in the past few thousand years. To achieve the same utility in English, you will have to learn Modern English, Middle English, Norman, Old Saxon, Latin etc.