mattnoseworthy

'In October 2026, Microsoft announced a Voluntary Exit Offer (VEO) making approximately 27% of its global workforce...'

So.. > Be the last standing SRE at Micro$slop > Your mentors have all left, taking the exit payout, now your days are the best b/c you answer to nobody and can hide in your mountain of markdown. > You knew each of the 7 different products named CoPilot are used to monitor your performance. So you set them all up talking to eachother, burning tokens and API limits. > You are team top performer now, you get all the important decisions now > You walk in the office this morning, CISA is sitting at your desk, with CVE-2026-124194 on your whiteboard > 'You have a patch for this right, China is actively exploiting our Defense primes..'? > Oh no, I haven't landed a patch in prod since my mentor left (because he actually did most of the work) > Oh well, must be close enough, LGTM, CISA seems upset so better just yeet this to prod... > ...

inb4 this is more accurate than anyone wants it to be.