bipolarengineer

yeah i'm not really sure what the solution with this one is. without insurance or support i'm basically out of options. I was going to live in my car last year but a family member let me stay at their home for 3 months (happened to get a job just as they were on the verge of kicking me out). wife is looking for work but won't make enough to cover rent let alone everything else. we have a couple more months to figure it out so i'm sure something will pan out.

your friend should definitely seek professional help. all i can do is share my own experience:

when this happened to me a family member drove me to the hospital and suggested that i check myself in. i filled out paperwork, answered some questions and signed myself in.

then the "fun" began. i was taken to a room where an armed guard watched the door. I was given a robe and they took my wallet and clothes while I waited in a room with a large glass window. in the room across from me was another guy and he was completely losing his shit -- screaming and pounding on the walls.

That first experience felt what i imagine jail feels like and due to my state of mind i was convinced that my family had tricked me and put me in jail. i was very confused and started having a panic attack. eventually i was lead to a room with several hospital beds where i was given a sedative and went to sleep.

later i was lead upstairs, had my face photographed and printed out for a folder. then i was taken to another room where i had to get naked while two male nurses watched and checked me for birth marks and tattoos.

thankfully i was given a single room for the first few days and could keep to myself because i don't do well with others in situations like these.

everything else was pretty much what i expected. i mainly sat around in the rec room on drugs playing cards and chess with the other patients and nurses. there were several homeless guys in there, some people that seemed to be scamming, terrible food, and a really loud television.

They have group shave / haircut sessions, group therapy (which included dancing and some other stuff).

Honestly it didn't really help me cope with my newly discovered mental illness, it just made me feel like i had hit rock bottom. i was given a pile of drugs and sent on my way. the therapist i was assigned to was extremely amateur and his solution for me was "phone apps". The psychiatrist i was assigned to was very hung up on me not doing street drugs (i don't).

none of these humans attempted to get much story about my current life situation or past. they heard me ramble off a bunch of crazy shit and then decided their pre-scripted solutions were best for me, and when it doesn't work then the blame is thrown back on me. very very frustrating process.

yes! i agree. i have lots of sleep issues. now i go to sleep early in the evening (nearly right after the sun goes down) and i wake up between 3 and 5am.

my biggest problem right now is work: i have had issues holding a job throughout my life. there was a 6 year stint that i was able to keep 2 jobs, but beyond that i usually quit due to what amounts to nothing in the end. have been trying to get a fully remote position as seclusion seems to help.

> around 43

late 30s here.

> there's usually a good reason to be angry, just not _that_ angry

i experience extreme anxiety more than rage

> Friends, roommates, and noise generated by other people

i am similar. thankfully my wife is a very quiet person.

> Viibryd

was on it for over a year -- didn't end well (weaned myself off after running out of insurance)

regardless, i had some sort of psychotic attack which lasted for several days along with a list of other symptoms which are fully documented, observed and on record. i have hardly been able to hold a job since that event and am stumbling through life.

i am supposed to be taking lithium but have refused medication for a few reasons.

mainly everything i have been prescribed has screwed me up further -- lithium specifically felt absolutely amazing to be on, i felt "content" and started feeling more balanced and creative etc... however i was sleeping until noon and felt a weird fog and felt like i couldn't program well (which is pretty much the only thing i do).

edit: the above fogginess may have been from the seroquel actually i can't remember.

I tried other medications but has other weird effects (i'm not good with drugs).

secondly, the suicidal thoughts weren't fading and I was very focused on the drugs as a means to my end (they were hidden from me by my wife because of this and she would give me my dosage when it was time).

i have to use a number of techniques to keep me grounded and most of the time I'm fine (i meditate, read, listen to specific types of music, exercise, etc) however there are triggers in my life which i have no control over and i lose control (ex wife making my life a nightmare via legal system, lack of funds etc).

to be honest i'm sort of fucked. i'm an aging dev with mental health issues, little to no support from family, can't really do meds because it fucks up my ability to work. sucks

I'm not sure what you're saying. i was hospitalized last year during the election while thinking that the gov. was after me, reporting a coworker as a terrorist (def not a terrorist) etc. i could go on.

actually i will go on:

reported the nicest guy to HR (he's fine) was on the verge of suicide, then thought "people" were after me and just completely flipped shit. family member kindly allowed me to stay at their home and then took me to the hospital the following day where i checked myself in.

I probably should. just started looking through the list again:

many people have bipolar disorder along with another illness such as:

anxiety disorder substance abuse eating disorder delusions runs in family Feel very “up,” “high,” or elated Have a lot of energy Have increased activity levels Feel “jumpy” or “wired” Have trouble sleeping Become more active than usual Talk really fast about a lot of different things Be agitated irritable or “touchy” Feel like their thoughts are going very fast Think they can do a lot of things at once Do risky things like spend a lot of money or have reckless sex Feel very sad, down, empty, or hopeless Have very little energy Have decreased activity levels Have trouble sleeping, they may sleep too little or too much Feel like they can’t enjoy anything Feel worried and empty Have trouble concentrating Forget things a lot Eat too much or too little Feel tired or “slowed down” Think about death or suicide

literally everything... and i've been denying it until like 2 days ago and am heading to the dr on monday after being talked out of killing myself for the 5th time by my wife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

> My belief is that everyone has minor bouts of mania and depression, and bipolar people just experience it more extreme

if you read about the symptoms of bipolar disorder you will see that it is a bit more complex than this.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index...

Take a look at the list of manic / depressive episode symptoms. Every single one of those applies to me in a very extreme way - i have been hospitalized once and believe i am going to be again soon as i feel very similar currently as i did in the past.

Edit:

oh also forgot to mention - i appear to be the kind of bipolar which comes with a touch of psychosis... its definitely more complex than the minor ups and downs of a normal person.

second edit: yes you sound bipolar and should probably get it under control because its pretty much wrecking my life now and had i not ignored the signs / knew what to look for earlier in life i would be in better shape right now.

Thanks for posting the article. I have been a software engineer for 15 years who has been struggling with issues due to being bipolar (and undiagnosed until a year ago).

I've had a hard time accepting my diagnosis but have taken steps as of late to start moving forward with treatment.

The few people who have found out that I am bipolar (and who don't know me well) claim that I am making up my illness as I seem fine on the surface. I think certain people believe that I am not bipolar because I am a skilled engineer (obviously anyone with the ability to reason knows this makes no sense).

Certain family members have cut me off after the diagnosis as well.

The poor reactions I've had are forcing me to keep silent about my issues, so I'm glad to see other people coming out with theirs.