What's wrong with "excellent programmer"?

Other fields seem to have managed to solve this problem without resorting to sophomoric faux-titles. It just reeks of childishness and the sort of tomfoolery that tends to get our profession laughed at.

When I see these words, it screams either "bunch of young kiddies" or "a bunch of olds desperately trying to seem cool" and neither are situations that I want to get involved with.

And all of this isn't even getting into the problem that 99.9% of people want rockstars, ninjas, jedi and superheroes but only about 0.1% really need them.

Why do we need to give programmers such punchy titles? I haven't heard anyone doing this in any other craft. In my view, calling someone a good, great, excellent, skilled, or top programmer as appropriate is more than adequate.

I am not arguing that programmers need to have "punchy" titles at all. However, others clearly that some sort of term beyond those you listed is necessary, and these names are evidence of that.

There is no need for those terms. They are marketing names dreamed up by people who think they can neuro-linguistically trick developers into thinking working for them (usually for less money than they are worth), then they can get over on them.

Again, what is the difference between a doctor who is one of the best in the world versus a doctor who is just 'decent'? What is the term that is necessary to describe that doctor that doesn't exist? Why would any profession be any different?

I don't think I'd even want to go to "Dr WhateverName, Ninja Orthopedic Surgeon" or want to know that he wrote "Secrets of a rotator cuff repair rockstar."

I just say they are world class programmers. Or excellent. There is no problem. How do you describe doctors who are very good at what they do? Do you call them ninjas? "Med nerds"?

You're claiming there is a problem here that doesn't exist. We have words to describe people who are good at what they do.