Observing that this is a problem with the smart home industry in its current state is not some kind of crazy Luddite "you kids with your fancy calculators and automatic transmissions" ranting.
the real luddite argument i keep seeing this supposed tech site are: stereos should have 2 wire and thats it, that there is no reason you could want to network all these gadgets together, it may break right when you need it (literally applicable to everything), etc.
those are just all "im scare of tech and change" arguments that have been about almost every new device created.
When the car was invented it was barely more useful than a horse and for many jobs horses were still used. Give all the home automaton time and I guarantee it fill far pass what it does now.
Not a single argument you have is unique in either product or time. EVERYTHING you say was said of cars or many other technologies before this. Horses were way more reliable, parts were specially made (talk about lock in), and there was obsolescence there too.
It is absurd to think "but this time its different" and you somehow have hit some good enough level of technology in this area.