It's sad we make it a war zone

It's sadder still that attempts to promote the peace by commenting on best practices are typically received with open hostility.

I really hear you, it's hard because in my mind the solutuon would be something along the lines of going back in time a couple thousand years and starting then, it's a delicate thing to care about on both sides and it shouldn't be. We preach equality but the games don't stop- I don't really have the perfect answer here

I don't either. I decided to err in a particular direction here and take the hit for it. I routinely err on the side of respecting the male side of the equation in such matters. It's part of why I am accepted to some degree here.